Wednesday, 6 April 2011

Dota Heroes come to life?

DISCLAIMER: The following is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to dota heroes in our universe, real or potentialed, is purely coincidental.

What if

In a time not so long ago, In a parallel universe not so far away, there lived Dota heroes much like the ones we play with today. Here is a brief glimpse at what happens in some of their "almost" normal lives.

Rikimaru attempts to backstab someone, but it turns out he had kevlar on and carried a shotgun.

Sniper is hired to hit a mafia boss, but drinks too much beforehand and misses the shot, killing a nearby cat instead. Unfortunately the cat belonged to lina inverse, who promptly nukes him to oblivion in a fit of rage.

Tiny takes up residence in the himalayas where he tosses unsuspecting travellers off the mountains, thereby making him a feared demon-god in local folklore

Goblin techies runs up to the opposing team while playing football, shouts "SUICIDE SQUAD FTW" and blows himself up.

Juggurnaut is sent to slay the tiny beast, but after activating bladefury, he becomes dizzy, stumbles and falls off a cliff.

Alchemist forgets to read the directions to his chemistry set and blows his house up.

Pudge opens a butcher shop in the middle east, but is arrested when authorities learn that he sells meat off his own body.

The Two Headed Dragon's two heads have a fight over who gets the tv remote, resulting in one head killing the other. It prefers to be known as the one headed dragon now.

Necrolyte is arrested for acts of necrophilia

Bone fletcher goes broke, and finds a job in a science lab as an anatomy specimen.

Lycanthrope stars as a stunt double for the werewolf professor lupin in Harry potter, the Prisoner of Azkaban

Bristleback is ambushed by a group of hunters who kill him and make roast bacon out of him.

Dragon Knight: forgets dragon form before flying off a building, and falls in slow motion like wiley e coyote from the road runner show.

Faceless void: Miscasts backtrack and goes all the way back in time to the jurassic era.

Drow Ranger: Marries Bon jovi, then divorces him after shooting him with an arrow during an argument. This inspired the song, "Shot through the heart, and you're to blame, you give love a bad name"

Slardar: Sinks the titanic after it crashes into his favorite iceberg.

Naix: Gets ripped to shreds by secret service agents after trying to eat the president of the US

Death Prophet: Burnt at stake during salem witch trials for practice of witchcraft

Panda: Gets into a drunken brawl with Russell crowe. He later joins Alcoholics anonymous for his drinking problems

Tormented Soul: Undergoing shock therapy for depression.

Bounty Hunter gets hired as a private detective to investigate infidelity issues.

Ursa warrior stars in a kids tv show called playtime with fuzzywuzzy.

Furion accidently teleports into a tree and is promptly impaled.

Nightstalker becomes a bouncer at a bar.

Magnataur accidently hits himself on the head with his club. He now believes hes a pokemon.

Viper gets shot down by british fighters during world war 2 after they believe he's the latest model of german fighters.

Pugna gets mobbed by people every time he goes out coz they mistake him for michael jackson after michael's plastic surgery.

Enigma creates a blackhole in the bermuda triangle, causing many ships, airplanes and pidgeons to be transported to another dimension where barney the dinosaur is straight and pigs fly.

Troll goes berserk with rage on a flight when he is not given his cocoa puffs. He is sentenced to 10 weeks of anger management with Jack Nicholson like Adam Sandler.

Spectre gets pwned by the ghostbusters.

Rooftrellen fell asleep standing and is now someone's grandmother's armchair. (thx to lucknskll for this one)

Ogre magi sues pixar for the stereotyping of ogres in the movie shrek. He claims that now people believe all ogres are green and talk with scottish accents.

Phantom lancer is heartbroken when he finds out that his images have been sleeping with his girlfriend.

Lightning Revenant becomes an outcast from society because anyone who goes near him is struck by lightning every 3 seconds.

Lucifer has airconditioning installed in hell because the inhabitants keep annoying him about the heat.

Rhasta spawns serpent wards on a plane, inspiring the movie "Snakes on a Plane"

now guys, your turn.